mood: blank music: gospel melody-destinys child

SHE RAN TO HER ROOM AND CLEANED HERSELF OFF.  SHE TOLD THE COUNCELER SHE COULDNT BE in heree any longer and she had to go home to her family because she wants their love.  the counceler let her go with a smile.  when she came back her friend had left messages of love.  she went to go get food at a local resurant where everyone would hang out and people came up to her and hugged her and felt sorry for her.  she didnt want it, she didnt want sympathy, but was okay with the love.  she passed out when talking about the night that she went crazy and her love killed himself.

when she woke up she was in a very nice unusal weird truck.  she had never seen it before and didnt reconize it.  when she hooked up to see who the driver was it was a boy she had always had a big crush on since she was younger.  she jumped in the front seat and asked what was going on.  he said well im taking you to your friends house, theres a party/get together for you.  she said o... i dont really want to go and you probably dont want to be around me...remeber im crazy? I BRING DEATH!  he started to laugh and said i trust you.  she looked at him and smiled.  it seemed as if her face had brightened up.  so she started talking to him and then after she started to laugh and he replyed you havent really changed your still funny, nice, and beautiful.  she hooked shocked and said i didnt even know you payed attenion to me that much or that you cared.  he was lke well i had a little crush on you but i could never get the nerve, and when i got so called  "popular" and "hot" i got enough courage but you were already going out with that one boy who killed himself.  she looked embarrased and smiled.  her tears started to roll down her face.  he looked at her confused.

for once they were tears of joy.  she whispered tears of hapiness, im happy! he was like good thats great.  she went to kiss him and he replyed sorry i have a girlfriend...its your best friend.  i mean i wasnt going wait fo you forever.  she jumped out of the car and started running.  he started running.  he started chasing after her and tackled her on the grass of a house where it looked familiar.  they layed ther on the grass with him holding her.  he whispered in her ear, this is how i always wished it would be.  why is it have to be like this.  the tears ran down her face, and she was like at least someones happy and got up and started walking home.  not even three houses down the street she saw her friend and she told her to get in the car, and go to one of their friends birthday partys.  it was fun alot of friends and like family.  her mom called her drunk so she was worryed and had to get to her.  when she showed up it was really late and everyone was dunrk.  al the older guys were trying to get on her.  her mom told her to go with her uncle to go get ice, but she didnt trust him to drive so she went by herself she found her csouin hiding around the corner from the house.  the little boy was crying becuz he was sacred.  so she went to the store with him and bought him ice cream.  when they returned her uncles friend called her in the room alone.  he locked the door and milested her.  she hit him with the shoe and he passed out.  her mom was being mean and touching her.  she was so scared, she took her baby cousin and hid out in a room.  when her dad showed up it was the first time she was happy to see him.  his dad was furious with her mom and because she had gotten with another gu there.  when they got home her dad beat her mom.  the gurl just hid out in her room and cryed.  she was thinking shoul she end her life rite now, but she couldnt becuase she had to take care of thinkgs and make sure everyones okay.  so she went to sleep alone, scared, worried, and feeling a bit like she had something to live for.

from that point on thing started to get a bit better, but she didnt know why.  she thought it mite have been becuz her family felt sorry for her and she had just got out.

but the nitemares still went on... the flashing of all those deaths and how they died right before her eyes.  even though she was barely there she could see it in her mind.

she would slit her wrist often and cry.  sometimes the cuts would just start aching for no reason.

.....as the young teenage gurl was walking home and was kinda upset over sumthing. as the tears were running down her face a man pulled over and asked her what was wrong.  the gurl replyed nothing, please leave me alone.  the man kept trying to pursue her to go with him somewhere.  she kept replying no and the tears came down harder and more.  the guy said im sorry i have to do this to u as he beat her and raped her.  after he was done he ran off. she wiped the blood and tears and kept walking home, trying to forget, and act like nothing happened.  then the gurl talked to the guy she had been in love with and he broke her heart and blamed it on her.  the pain from the rape could not compare to the pain the boy caused by killing her heart.  she went to her little pink box, grabbed out a razor and slit her wrist.  as she watched the blood drip she thought of it as the blood from her heart.  the gurl could not go back to being the same.  she wishes the man could have killed her before he raped her and before the boy broke her heart.  she could only think how the boy doesnt want to love her anymore, how no one could love her.  the words the boy said, " i dont want to love you anymore", repeated in her head.

she began not to care about anything, shortly after she was a party and an older friend had offereed her a drink.  as she was waiting for the drink, they were spiking it with some hardcore drugs that has an effect  something similiar to ectasy.

before she recieved the drink, a friend of her brothers who was a cops son asked her to go with him to go get more ice, being foolish she felt safe and grabbed her drink and went on.  she just wanted to get away.  they were drivinf past many liqour stores and super markets.  out of it she finally realized it had been a long time.  she asked where they going, so he stopped in an abandon parking lot. he started grabbing her and she was pushing him off.  she finally gave up.  he had took advantage of her and they went back to the party.  the guy that broke her heart had showed up as she was gone.  she went up to him and kissed him and tore off her clothes and stood there saying nothing.  only few people were paying attention and guys were yelling dirty comments.  the boy tryed to walk away in embarrassment. so she yelled to him i'll give anything! what do u want? I LOVE YOU. i will have sex with you, anytime u want it! he replied i dont need you for that. so she screamed what is it that you want? and got a knife and was slitting her wrist she yelled do you want me blood? he replied no, stop doing this, and she said i will kill for you. she pulled a gun out of her purse and held it to her head. the boy ran and took the gun away and held it to his head and said i loved you too much and couldnt stand being with you and he shot himself. she layed in his blood.  all she could think was why couldnt it have been me, everytime its not me! i cause the death always. she fell asleep in his and her blood and she had a smile with tears.

when she woke up she was in a "special hospital".  she told her counceler everything that had happened and they confronted the brothers friend. he denyed it and said she was crazy.  they took a test and had evidence.  it ruined the brother and they guys relationship so the brother blamed it on the sister as usual.

the first day at the rehab hospital was very interesing. she found guys obsessing over her and girls wishing they were her. she didnt want to talk to anyone, because she knew they were all crazy.  so she sat and watched tv.  as the days went on she would want to write or draw but someone would have to watch her to make sure she didnt kill herself with the pen or some stupid excuse.

one day a few weeks after she had been there she asked to take a walk outside.  while she was walking she found a beautiful looking guy around her age sitting and reading byu a tree.  she thought to herself why does he have to be so beautiful but crazy..  she was walking past him and saw the book title. she asked him wat it was about and he replied... a boy that went crazy after his gurlfriend dumped him and got in a car accident and died. he later finds out the other people that died from the car crash was the boys parents.  so the boy went crazy and got in a mental institute.  he wasnt really crazy though and he just got really upset and tryed to take his life. she was like woah it must be good whos the author.  he replied, the boy was him.  she was like ohh... im so sorry to hear that. she was like im not crazy.... well i dont think i am either. he was like ive observed you. she looked at him with a confused face.  o really and wat do u think? he said that your different from everyone in this place.  she smiled and said woah thanks. he asked her why she always looked so loney and sad. she looked into his eyes and said all i do is cause death. as he looked at her he pulled out a knife and placed it in her hands.  she did not understand she looked down at the knife and all the memories were flashing by each death she just watch reoccur.  the she awoke laying there next to the boy as his eyes were rolled back and blood all over his shirt.  she looked at her hands and the blood was on them. the knife was stuck straight in his stomach.  she tried to pull it out as the tears dripped down her face, but she couldnt succeed. she screamed "another death that is not me"